Just Freaking RSVP Already!

I am super pumped to be the Maid (Matron?) of Honor for my great friend Erica this weekend and have been planning the crap out of her bachelorette party/bridal shower for a couple of months now. Mostly because I made it 40 years without ever having been asked, and I'm as stoked as my three year old is when I let him have Lemonheads, but also because I love to plan. In all fairness, I am most definitely an over the top planner so maybe it's too much to expect RSVPs when you ask for them. Wait..........no, no it's not. Most of the etiquette rules that I learned from my mom (thanks Mom!!!) have gone the way of the ladies bridge club, and no one seems to mind. In fact, I was recently told by a person in my sphere that the paper thank you cards that I write, and mail, and enjoy, are a "waste of time". Huh? Since when did being a polite human become a waste of time? Who's the asshole here? If I'm a manners dinosaur, so be it but for the love of all that is dear, JUST FREAKING RSVP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm A Food Column Writer? <----- The Question Mark Is On Purpose

Last week I was going about my own business, sitting in a business meeting with my local newspaper when BOOM, a simple comment landed me a new writing obligation opportunity.

Like many small town newspapers, ours is experiencing the growing pains, some might say the death spasms, of traditional print media in a world being overrun with electronics and "right now" news via the myriad choices of computer technology that are available to us. Our newspaper is a scrappy bunch though, who aren't ready to throw in the (paper) towel just yet. Yes they are expanding their online presence. Yes they are cutting the days of the week they are available. But yes, they are also bringing their content back to producing 100% local news, 100% of the time. And adding magazine type features from community members with particular skill sets or areas of expertise. They believe their choices will save them, and I truly hope they're right.

As the meeting was winding down, we were casually kicking around local people who might be able to provide articles of interest for the community, and I offhandedly said "I could write a food column". They jumped straight on it! Wait...what?!?! I was kind of joking. Or was I?  In retrospect I think that I just didn't think that they would take me seriously.

So there you have it, I'm a food column writer now. And at first I was like, "dammit, what did I get myself into?" but after thinking about it for a day or two, I'm stoked. I LOVE the written word. I LOVE my local town. And, I LOVE food.

So the lesson is be careful what you say........or at least be sure that if you make a comment in passing, you mean it at least a little bit!

P.S. I'm totally going to be fine. I have a shit-ton of ideas already :).

Conversations With A Three Year Old - Why?!? Wait.......What?!?

Today's conversation brought to you by Sam's and my 25 minute commute.

Sam: Mommy, did you ever seen a blue Spongebob?

Me: No buddy, I haven't ever seen a blue Spongebob. I'm not sure he's blue. What color is he really?

Sam: He's (whispers) yellow. (Screams) NO, NO, HE'S REDGE.

Me: Orange?

Sam: No mommy, redge. If he was orange, he was Patrick. Redge.

Me: Oh that's right, Patrick is an orange starfish isn't he?

Sam: Yea (loooooonnnnnggggg pause) why?

Me: Why what?

Sam: Why is he a starfish?

Me: Because it's written in his DNA that he's a starfish.

Sam: Oh yea, his DNA. Mommy, you're a starfish. If you were a starfish, you would be called Patrick. 

And you like to eat balls......................

Crickets: (Chirping)

Me: (Giggling)

Sam: (Slowly turning to look out window)

AAANNNNNDDDDD scene. 

P.S. I'm still kind of pissed I never found out what part of the color spectrum redge lives on. I was totally going to ask that!

Holy Shit, I'm Older Than WHO?!?!?!

So I was looking for some info online today and saw a headline that read "Where Are They Now: Ultimate TV Moms". I started clicking through for S and Gs. I quickly noticed a disturbing trend in the article. 

Joanna Kerns was 32 when she entered my TV world on Growing Pains.

Judith Light and Meredith Baxter were 35 when they came on the scene on Who's the Boss and Family Ties respectively.

Phylicia Rashad was 36 when the Cosby Show debuted.

Alley Mills was 37 when she became Kevin Arnold's TV mom on The Wonder Years.

I'm 40.....and more than a half. I am a full 3-8 years older than my favorite TV moms were when they were my favorites!!!! Do you remember how "mom" they looked? How definately NOT in their 30s they seemed? How grown-up with their shoulder pads, or "done" hair, or teen-age children who are much older than me? Is that me now?

FFFUUUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Things That Are Tripping My Trigger Today

 1) My new St. Patrick's Day mug. I searched for a good four years for the perfect St. Patrick's Day mug and now, it's mine! It's even cooler in this pic because it's flanked by Cholula which is excellent on EVERYTHING and my electric pencil sharpener because I'm old school when it comes to my pencils!

 

My lucky Leprechaun mug

 

2) My new bomb ass Coach that I got last night at a silent auction fundraiser for our area women's shelter. A new purse for me at a really, really, really, really good price, and 100% of my donation going to women who are working hard to rebuild their lives. Win-win!

 

 

3) This tea towel embroidery pattern I'm totally going to buy and make for someone for Christmas. How can I not?!?!

 

Dog faced girl tea towel awesomeness!

 

 4) Animal shaming sights are hysterical. Ghostbusters kicks ass. The marriage of the two is epic.

 

Gate keeper or key master?

5) T minus 36 days and counting until Game of Thrones is back on!!!

 

Tyrion and Cersei

What's tripping your trigger right now?

There Are Two Kinds Of Toilet Paper People

I'll bet you thought this was going to be an over/under debate. Nope, there's no debate. It's over. Otherwise you're just wrong!

 

This is a whole different kind of difference. When the toilet paper roll is almost empty but NOT EMPTY at my work, I'll grab another roll and sit it on the back of the toilet or on the sink next to the toilet for when the roll is actually empty. That make me one kind of toilet paper person.

 

Then, there are the "others".

 

These are the people who take the now empty roll off of the wall, put the new roll on, and get all pissed because you didn't throw away the old roll, which wasn't empty when you left it!

 

Seriously.....empty TP :)?!?!?

 

So one of two things happened:

1) The note writer finished the roll but it wasn't quite enough for one potty break, so I should have thrown away a tiny but perfectly serviceable amount of toilet paper, and this was a note writeable offense.

2) There are three women in our office with access to this bathroom. The roll wasn't finished by me. I know the hand-writing on the note so it wasn't her. Soooo, I guess the third party could have finished the roll and not replaced it.

 

BUT....

 

The note is to "ladies", so I've been attacked and must defend myself.

Plus, there's another level to the defense of myself in this instance. I've been sick for days. Actually went home one of the days I felt so hammered horse-shitty. At no point do I remember taking my yuck out on anyone. Just sat over here, in my own germs and misery. Note writer came to work sick today, vocally and whiny sick. Then took the time to leave the bathroom, get paper and a pen, and write the note before heading home to get better.

 

But that's a whole different "two kinds of people" story............................

Never The Bridesmaid.....Until Now!

I hit 40 this last year and somehow I made it almost to that 40 mark without EVER being a bridesmaid. Looking back on my life, I can tell you why. I didn't always nurture my relationships with women. It was never mean spirited, or out of a negative place, or anything like that. I just found my male friends.....less complicated. Cut to adult me. I have friendships with awesome ladies but I wanted them to go deeper. I decided if I wanted to have better friendships, I should be a better friend.
 

I started a book club so we would have a regular, SCHEDULED time to be together. I think that might be the key. We are so busy being moms, wives, girlfriends, daughters, employees, and so many other things that we sometimes let things slide. My ladies don't deserve to slide. So we schedule the time and it happens. And we drink wine. And we discuss a book a month. And we GET to be together. And I really try hard to be a better friend than I ever was in my 20s. To listen, to be present, and to stay connected.
 

So to the title of this post. At the age of twelve I was a junior bridesmaid for a cousin and although my deep purple, water stained taffeta dress was a stunning marker of the time, it was kind of a glorified flower girl role. And so, I made it to 39 without being a bridesmaid. My friend Jenn, who I met through her fabulous fiancée Adam, who also happened to have been my high school boyfriend, asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding last year and I was ecstatic! Adam and I successfully got over our silly teenage selves and get to be adult friends. And then he goes and finds someone fabulous to marry. And I got to wear a pretty lavender dress and have a front row seat for that. Unfortunately for me, I was the only bridesmaid who didn't live in their state and so I missed out on lots of the pre-wedding fun.
 

This year, my dear friend Erica, who I met under MUCH weirder circumstances than even the story above, is getting married and (drumroll) asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm told that because I'm married I must be referred to as matron of honor. Screw that.....this is MY story. Maid of honor. Me. And all of the fun that comes with it. Including a stunning grey chiffon dress. I am having a ball planning my maid of honor duties like bachelorette weekend, reception set-up, and lots of little things I can't type in case Erica reads this post.
 

As if that wasn't enough, my brother, who I seriously thought would never get married, is getting married. He asked his girlfriend, who I adore (seriously, read her blog, she's fab!) to marry him and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. So I get a sister AND a third shot at this bridesmaid things. And I think she's picking a champagne sequined number for us to wear. Pretty! We'll see. I'm leaving for a bride and bridesmaid trip to try on dresses here in about an hour. I can't wait!

Maybe the lesson here is quality. I could have been a bridesmaid 15 times by the age of 30, in wedding parties of 20 people, for girls I might not still be friends with.

OR

I can realize how lucky I am to have my hand-full of truly nearest and dearest ladies, adult ladies, grown ladies, real friends, life friends, soul sisters. This is my choice.

Nurture the friendships with the people you can imagine growing old with and you'll never be sorry!

It would be bad, and sad, and I'm glad
I did meet you my lovely friends!