Sam's Dreams Are SOOOO Dreamy

The weekend is a really exciting time for Sam for lots of reasons. Most recently, he is in love with Saturday and Sunday naps because on those days, and only those days, at nap time, and only nap time, he is allowed to sleep on Mommy and Daddy's bed. We typically have lots of snuggle, play, and story time on our bed after bath time each night but being allowed to nap there is just altogether different. It is special to him.

 

From night two home from the hospital, I have been anti co-sleeping (For us only, don't get angry at me if it works for you. I am not saying what's right, I'm saying what worked for us.) After two nights of intermittently waking up with my pillow on his face, or rolling onto him, or puppies laying on him, I realized in order for all of us to sleep well we would not be able to move forward as a co-sleeping unit. And now that's he's 2 1/2, forget about it, he just can't sleep in a room with us. And I don't mean that by my choice. He doesn't like it. Not overnight anyway.

 

Saturday afternoon I went to wake him from his nap and when I walked in, I thought he was awake and just laying, staring out the window. Either he had JUST opened his eyes or he was in that sort of in-between place. When I laid down next to him, he turned to me and sleepily said "Mommy, you was stuck out in dat boat with dos bad guys and I was saving you. I was saving you lots. We so happy." And then he tucked his little angel face into my neck, clutched his lovey up tight between us, and we laid there for what could never be long enough, and somehow, I fell deeper in love with him again. Seriously, how does he do that?!?!

 

So he's remembering dreams now. And he's dreaming of me, and saving me in his dreams. Le sigh! These are without question the moments that make all of the screaming, crying, hitting, tantrums, and two-ness of a two year old worth it. I can't wait to hear about all of his dreams from now until he's too cool to tell me anymore. And no matter how many times he "saves" girls in his dreams throughout his life, he saved me first. And I get to have that forever!

 

 

Two years ago, I would have been in a hurry to get on to the next task and rushed him awake for something. Okay, all bullshit aside, I don't even think I could have slowed down and relished the moment with a "right here, right now" state of mind  like that six months ago.  But I'm getting better. Lot's better. I am thankful to a two year old with no patience who has given me the ultimate gift of better patience and the presence of mind to BE in the present. The time is going SO fast so I adore the moments when there is no time, just the moment. And I stop. And I listen. And I feel. And I hold. And I am deeply, deeply grateful.

 

If you're like me; a task completer, a projector, a got-to-get-it-done type, you know the type.......the type that will go back downstairs after they're in bed for the night if they realize there might be three dishes in the sink because God forbid, they leave dishes.........stop sometimes. And if that's hard for you, fake it till you make it. Because eventually maybe you'll find yourself lots of minutes (Don't count. Don't you dare clock watch.) into a pretty serious snuggle-after-naptime-session and it'll be sooooooooo sweet. 

The World According To Barney Stinson and Garp

So yesterday sucked. I don't pretend to understand what it is like to be clinically depressed, bipolar, and/or see no way out. And Robin Williams was not a personal friend, nor was he a relative, so my response to the news of his death surprised me. I think it's because he was a giant presence who was just always there in each decade's pop cultural zeitgeist. From my desire and subsequent acquisition of the Mork suspenders in the 70s to my sincere hope that his most recent venture of The Crazy Ones with Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, would be wildly funny. Sadly it wasn't but I was rooting for a chance to welcome him into my living room each week!
 

I'm terrible at being sad though. I prefer Barney Stinson's point of view.
 

 

I was also reminded of a line from one of my favorite Robin Williams movies, The World According to Garp. Garp's mother Jenny says "You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life."
 

I agree to both......madly; be awesome AND have adventures every chance you get. We have had some pretty cool adventures lately, some big firsts for Sam!
 

The town that I work in has an absolutely ENORMOUS Vietnamese Catholic religious festival in August of every year. The festival is open to the public as well and everyone is welcomed and  invited to visit the festival for information, meals, shopping, and praying with the over 60,000 Fathers, Brothers, Nuns and pilgrims that come from all over the world. I adore Vietnamese food and find the culture fascinating and haven't missed a chance to join them in years. The last 2 years we didn't take Sam so decided to let him experience it with us this year.
 

What to order? What to order?

Boba drinks are awesome!!!!!

You can't go wrong no matter what you choose.

This sauce is yummy mom!

The Pho and summer rolls are our favorite!

Hurry with my mango Boba please!

We also got to spend some time at our area water festival over the weekend. Sam hadn't been able to really enjoy the festival in the past because he wasn't as mobile as he is now. Unfortunately, bad weather cut the day short but the first part was sweet! Sam wasn't quite old enough for the shoebox races but the cool conservation minded schwag, creek side grilled hot dogs, and bounce houses more than made up for that. The cardboard boat races were rained out......maybe next year!

Shoebox races.

Delicious hot dogs!

Bounce houses RULE

 

And finally, not only did Jeff find the most wonderful product for my plantar fasciitis (like seriously, if you suffer from plantar fasciitis, log on to Amazon IMMEDIATELY and order the OrthoSleeve Compression Foot Sleeve) but then my sweet, adorable Sam wanted some "socks to make his foot all the way better like mommy's". His heart makes my heart so full I think I can't hold it all.

 

These are the things I hold on to when life is kicking me in the teeth or shit just gets too real. I encourage everyone to find something in life that is satisfying, that always tastes sweet. For us it's adventures together.

I know for millions it isn't this easy. If you can't find your way out and if you need it, ASK FOR HELP. Do not suffer in silence. No more stigma, no more being ashamed, no more embarrassment, no more torturing yourself. I hope the dialogue on what has been swept under too many rugs for far too long is blown wide open this time. That would be the only good thing that could come of this.

Things I Learned About Traveling To Las Vegas With Kids By NOT Traveling To Las Vegas With Kids

I am not typically judgy of the way others raise their children. See HERE. I figure your kids, your rules. Your kids, your discretion. Your kids, your decisions. And I won't be shaming you because.........your kids, your fall-out when things go wonky. However, over the weekend I was in Las Vegas celebrating my 40th birthday (I know right. I look pretty good for 40) and I made a few observations about a town held by many to be a great place for a family vacation.

Here are a couple quotes taken directly from pro-Vegas family destination websites.

"The entire family can have a good time in Las Vegas and it does not have to seem like an excuse for the adults to get away."

"Kids can have a good time in Las Vegas and the adults will not feel as if they have chosen a destination that is not child friendly."

"The Las Vegas of today is a fun family holiday destination, with theme parks, aquariums, cinemas, bowling alleys, hi-tech video arcades, and even child-friendly stage shows."

Some of these things are true. Places like theme parks, aquariums, child friendly shows and the like do exist. So, I guess if you're coming to visit from another country and Vegas is an American "must do" for you, or you just can't bear a vacation away from parenting duties (HA), you could make it family friendly with a little extra planning. NO WAY FOR US. If you do decide to go ahead or are thinking about it, here are a couple thoughts.

If the child(ren) has been passed out in their stroller for more than an hour, TAKE THEM TO BED.

If it's after 9PM......10PM......2AM, TAKE THEM TO BED.

It's smoky there, everywhere.

There are adult beverages there, everywhere.

There's gambling there, everywhere.

There is dirty language there, everywhere.

There are boobs there, everywhere.

The M&M store, the Coke store, the Hello Kitty shops, everything really, is crazy expensive! But they'll want to go in. The store fronts are decorated up to be irresistible. Find souvenirs elsewhere.

I don't care what any article, travel brochure, review, or travel agent says, it is not a place for children in my opinion. I'd like Sam to have a few more years before he's exposed to naked, cursing, loud, drunken, gambling, revelry. But me, I was there for loud, drunken, gambling, cursing, naked (in the room of course) revelry.

That to me, is a Vegas vacation and I don't feel a bit bad for wanting, needing, and taking time to recharge my battery, and have some romance, while Sam was back home, playing in the sprinkler with his cousins and making cornstarch dough keychains for us. Fabulous, innocent kid's stuff.

I am a mother yes. I am also a grown-up who adored the chance to be a little nuts, and stay up really late, for a couple days without trying to shield Sam from the giant topless woman with a tiny fireman's hat and even tinier flame shaped pasties. Or the drunken (possibly dead) guy passed out in puke. Or the 10 million F bombs from every direction. Or the "card flippers". Or the constant swirl of smoke all around us.

Parents, you know nearly 3 year olds are the kings and queens of "why?" and "what is that?". There's just too much I'm not ready to explain about adult behavior. Las Vegas........I'm not ready to explain Las Vegas.

I've Seriously HAD IT With All The Shaming!

I was out of work sick and slept most of the day Tuesday. The moments I was awake were split between lying in bed staring at the ceiling (which got old) and catching up on blogs I haven't had a chance to read in a while, and finding some new blogs that I love (which never gets old). 

 

I found approximately 15 new recipes I can't wait to try, 2 projects that I can't wait to get started on (one of which is pretty substantial so stay tuned), 3 or 4 blogs that I added to my blog reading list, was prompted with ideas for about 3 posts I will be making in the next few weeks, and reached the end of my rope with mommy-to-mommy, woman-to-man, non-mommy-to-mommy, mommy-to-non-mommy, and just about ever other conceivable combination of people that you can think of, shaming one another.

 

This particular frustration and drive to post began with the blog of a young mother of two gorgeous kiddos who was excitedly posting pictures of herself each week of her pregnancy with a blackboard behind her stating weeks pregnant, size of baby, etc. You've seen tons of these no doubt. Anyway she was rail thin, I mean tiny, at 18 weeks. Frankly, I was thinking, as long as she's seeing her doctor regularly throughout her pregnancy (she was) and the doc wasn't overly concerned, good for her for keeping herself fit at a time when it's too too easy to go "screw it, bring on the cake!". People were tearing this woman apart for being too skinny, for having too much make-up, for being proud of only having gained a certain amount of weight, and so on....on her own blog AND on other sites as well. She responded confidently and with a cool head, but it got me to thinking, how many things we judge, blame, shame, and criticize that are none of our business.

 

Wait, these thoughts actually jumped to the front of my brain even a little earlier when a couple weeks ago a (I guess) well meaning friend made some comments on how I "HAD to" fix meat for the boys when I can't have it and how that was "almost cruel" of them to expect. My response was a polite explanation of how it did not bother me followed by a not so polite statement of "I can't begin to explain how much this isn't your business" when pressed further.

 

All this shaming and competitive momming actually starts when you first announce you're pregnant, like in the next breath of the conversation. You start having to have exhausting, annoying conversations about immunizing vs. not, attachment vs. babywise, breast feeding vs. bottle, cloth vs. disposable, over the top birthday party vs. no birthday party, stay-at-home vs. working outside the home, full on vegan vs. full on carnivorous, sugary drink loving household, vaginal vs. C-section birth, binkie vs. no, swaddling vs. not, and on and on and on and on. I was absolutely inundated with unsolicited, unwanted advice. No, not advice, demands. At least they felt like demands, about what I should do, what I should decide, and which side of every fence I just HAD to land on.

 

There are a few things that are in my nature that made this even harder to stomach.

1) I'm a researcher. I got this. Don't think I didn't ingest every article, website, book, anecdote, and story that I could before I made intelligent, informed decisions about my child.

2) Peer pressure doesn't work on me. Never has. Just pisses me off.

3) I have a lifetime of experiences unique to ME that have shaped my core, and that's going to be impossible to change with your judgement. You have the same lifetime, only yours is unique to YOU.

 

So, if you choose to name your child #threefriggineighty, Wicked Witch, or Hootie McFarthead, that's your business. I feel sorry for the little tyke when they enter school but it's you who will have to deal with all of that fall-out. If you choose to give your 3 month old a French manicure, I would wonder if the polish was safe to go in a baby's mouth as it most definitely would, but beyond that, it's your time and effort spent. If you choose to enter the arena of competitive momming whereby your child's birthday party costs 5K and the goodie bags cost 50 bucks each, it's your $5500. Stopping short of physically harming your child with body modification, neglect, or abuse, or seriously damaging them psychologically with neglect or abuse in whatever form that might take, the absolute most you'll get from me is a hearty eye-roll. And I'll even hide that from you, lest I be drug into any additional debate. I realize this is a little contrary to the rest of my post but sometimes when I see a two month old with pierced ears or a child with no coat on when it's 35 degrees outside, I can't help myself.

 

I remember being about 10 and asking my mom why women couldn't be nicer to each other. I was actually asking about girls because some of the girls at school were being horrible to me. It holds into adulthood though. We're all sisters doing the best we can with our individual life's circumstances. She didn't have an answer for me then and I don't have an answer now. I still wonder why. Why aren't we supportive to women who need help, or just want to share conversation, experiences, and time because we're friends? Why aren't we loving and nurturing to each other, when we need it most, or perhaps even when we deserve it least? I don't agree with all of the choices my friends, family, and acquaintances make but guess what? Their children are not my children and that's where any argument ends. Because at the end of the day, I only have all of the information on one kiddo.

 

You know the only thing worse than mommy shaming? When husbands get involved........ That's another post. In the meantime, read on. I can't find an author's name but I couldn't bare not to share.

 

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

 

In the eyes of our children, we're all kind of superheroes anyway, even when we feel outstandingly, overwhelmingly, absolutely average.

 

 

 

Weekend Top 5 Recap

Does anything really turn out just as we thought it would? This weekend was another small lesson, for me, in living in the moment.

 

1) I got the extra big boy undies I intended to get. Sam is still in love with his big boy undies. We only gave the undies with no pull up two long-ish chances this weekend. One he succeeded in, one he didn't. In honor of how good he is doing, Saturday was HIS day. That's part of the reason that we didn't get lots of chances to try the undies with no pull ups combo. We went to Chuck's House (Chuck E. Cheese) for lunch and games and then Toys R Us for a new laser gun. Some of my friends think I'm crazy to love Chuck E. Cheese but Sam's happiness there makes it totally worth it and I sort of love it for the skee ball and "shovel" games too. Thank goodness for their salad bar so I was able to keep close to healthy.

 

Monster teeth are awesome!

Dancing "if" Chuck.

Yep, he's a blur when he's cutting a rug!

 

2) Jeff was a good boy in high school. There was NO DIRT!!!!! Not even an ex-girlfriend to eyeball or any rivalries still pending, :). I did meet some lovely people from his graduating class and it was a kick watching them remember their school years together. They even went through their 6th grade time capsule that none of them had seen since 1988. That was kind of cool and really sweet. In addition to no dirt............there was no adult beverage choice. Now that's not the only reason, or even one of the top reasons we went, but come on, it's date night. We got a baby sitter. Luckily, right on the way home (and only 3 blocks from home should we overdo it) is a hopping little nightspot. I slipped a little but it was worth it!

 

Gator tail and whiskey. Om nom nom!

 

3) I didn't quite finish The Language of Flowers. I'm close enough that I'll definitely finish by Saturday and it's a tough one to put down, but I just didn't make it. Imagine how different your world would be if you grew up in the foster system, completely detached, regularly neglected, abused, shuffled around, and constantly disappointed. What if your only meaningful way of communicating was through the language of flowers and their meanings? It's beautifully written, both tragic and triumphant at the same time. If you like to read, make sure to put this book in your queue.

 

4) Because of the business of the weekend, I didn't get the letter written that I meant to write to my new pen pal. I'm sure she'll understand being a mother herself. I'm going to try to hammer it out on my lunch hour and tonight after Sam is asleep. I think one of my favorite things about life is that it's almost never too late. I always wanted a pen pal as a kiddo but for whatever reason never did anything about it until now, 30 years later.

 

5) I got my toiletries started but nothing else done for packing. It's not the end of the world. I DO still have 10 days. I was just being an overly excited, overachiever. I did build a lay-out for packing this morning that I think will make it much easier when it comes time to  put the clothes into the suitcase. I must admit, I totally stole the idea for the layout from my friend Tristan's blog. You should check her out HERE. She's got great travel, beauty, and fashion tips and ideas!

 

Steal this packing planner!

 

AND, my mommy center/built in bookshelves/organizing area that Jeff is building for me is coming along. I can't wait to have a space for my laminator, printer, Cricut, project books and binders and office supplies!

 

It's going to be rad!

 

Back to that living in the moment comment from right at the beginning of the post. I'm not great at it. I'm always planning something or thinking about the next something that's going to happen. Thankfully, because of my church classroom and our reading yesterday of Mindful Monkey Happy Panda, I was reminded again to slow down, BE in the moment. Do I think it'll always happen? No. Will I work harder in the important moments like alone time with Jeff and Sam? YES!!!!! Thanks 2-5 year olds for reminding this grown up of a simple but important lesson! Don't just read this book to you kiddos, read it for all of you!

 

 

5 Things I Am Looking Forward To Doing This Weekend

I am (mostly) a lover of living in the moment. I don't like the thought of wishing my days away and I truly think there's something worthwhile and beautiful in every day. Maybe it's a little Pollyanna but life is a garden, and I dig it! Today though, I'm glad it's Friday. For some reason I've been walking around this week in a bit of a fog. Luckily I snapped out of it at about 5:30 AM mid-run. I'm ready to embrace this weekend and all that it holds from the tiny to the giant.

 

1) I am looking forward to buying Sam some more big boy undies. I got one pack at a buy 2/get 1 sale at Old Navy last weekend and I can not get them off of him. In fact, he didn't wear a pull up all afternoon yesterday at my Moms, just the undies. Sooooooo, he peed off the porch and maybe pooed in the yard. No accidents in the undies! This is one of those giant ones. I wondered what it was that would be his "thing". You know, the thing that is the turning point in potty training. Turns out, it's the feel of wearing the undies with no pull up underneath.

 

He's such a boy. Having a pee outside.
No more diapers. He wants underwear!



2) Tonight one of Jeff's classmates is having a reunion of sorts for their graduating class. I've never met any of Jeff's high school friends and am looking forward to any stories they might share about my sweet, fabulous hubby as a teen. It was a very small school and his class was only about 30 people so I'm sure they all have stories on one another.

 

3) We are reading a book titled "The Language of Flowers" by Vanessa Diffenbaugh for my book club. Our next meeting is the 26th, and I have about a third of one of the best books I've ever read to finish before then. I intend to read while Sam naps and after he's in bed for the night to complete this delicious, rich, compelling story.

 

4) I have a new pen pal from the UK and I can't wait to write her back!

 

5) We are leaving in a barely double digit number of days for a grown up/no baby on board trip to Las Vegas to celebrate my 40th birthday. We previously went to Las Vegas for our first anniversary and had a bit of debauchery on the calendar. Two weeks before we left though.....surprise, I'm pregnant. We had a phenomenal time eating and seeing shows but it was a different trip than we'd planned. All that said to say this. I am over-the-top excited and am getting the suitcase out to start packing this weekend.

 

 

 This will be our view while I eat, for the first time since June 20th, a really-bad-for-me-but-so-deliciously-worth-the-wait meal including meat, cheese, dessert, wine, cream, butter.....whatever they've got.

Bring on 40, bring it on Vegas, and bring on the French food! 

Sink or Float, More Bath Time Fun

After Monday night's bath tub painting fun, I wanted to provide Sam another activity that would be fun in the tub, arguably one of his favorite places. So we played sink or float. I gathered some random toys from the myriad locations that they land around the house. I tried to get an even number of things that would sink and things that would float. I also wanted to put a couple things on there that would float when empty (the large red train car pop bead and the lady bug squirt toy) but sink when water got in them. Here are all of the sink or float test toys.

 

 

We handed Sam each toy and asked if he thought it would float or sink.

He's really starting to get into it now!

 



 

A couple of the items I thought would sink floated (Daniel Tiger and the purple car). When we ran out of toys on the tray he asked for more so I grabbed some Duplos and sponges,  because that's what was within reach, and we kept going.

 

I was kind of surprised by the activity's results. Sam was right better than half the time and more importantly wanted to know why some things float and some sink. While a two he's not ready for discussions about mass, volume, density, etc., it got his wheels turning and that's what I wanted, to get him thinking about how, and why, things work the way they do. Plus, it was FUN! Even cleaning up was fun. We used the muffin tin from Monday night's tub painting so that the toys would be able to dry out well before putting them away.

 

He loved trying to fit all of his fun toys into the spaces in the muffin tin. I loved watching his mind work. AND, we already had everything to play with right in the house. I adore free fun!