I hit 40 this last year and somehow I made it almost to that 40 mark without EVER being a bridesmaid. Looking back on my life, I can tell you why. I didn't always nurture my relationships with women. It was never mean spirited, or out of a negative place, or anything like that. I just found my male friends.....less complicated. Cut to adult me. I have friendships with awesome ladies but I wanted them to go deeper. I decided if I wanted to have better friendships, I should be a better friend.
I started a book club so we would have a regular, SCHEDULED time to be together. I think that might be the key. We are so busy being moms, wives, girlfriends, daughters, employees, and so many other things that we sometimes let things slide. My ladies don't deserve to slide. So we schedule the time and it happens. And we drink wine. And we discuss a book a month. And we GET to be together. And I really try hard to be a better friend than I ever was in my 20s. To listen, to be present, and to stay connected.
So to the title of this post. At the age of twelve I was a junior bridesmaid for a cousin and although my deep purple, water stained taffeta dress was a stunning marker of the time, it was kind of a glorified flower girl role. And so, I made it to 39 without being a bridesmaid. My friend Jenn, who I met through her fabulous fiancée Adam, who also happened to have been my high school boyfriend, asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding last year and I was ecstatic! Adam and I successfully got over our silly teenage selves and get to be adult friends. And then he goes and finds someone fabulous to marry. And I got to wear a pretty lavender dress and have a front row seat for that. Unfortunately for me, I was the only bridesmaid who didn't live in their state and so I missed out on lots of the pre-wedding fun.
This year, my dear friend Erica, who I met under MUCH weirder circumstances than even the story above, is getting married and (drumroll) asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm told that because I'm married I must be referred to as matron of honor. Screw that.....this is MY story. Maid of honor. Me. And all of the fun that comes with it. Including a stunning grey chiffon dress. I am having a ball planning my maid of honor duties like bachelorette weekend, reception set-up, and lots of little things I can't type in case Erica reads this post.
As if that wasn't enough, my brother, who I seriously thought would never get married, is getting married. He asked his girlfriend, who I adore (seriously, read her blog, she's fab!) to marry him and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. So I get a sister AND a third shot at this bridesmaid things. And I think she's picking a champagne sequined number for us to wear. Pretty! We'll see. I'm leaving for a bride and bridesmaid trip to try on dresses here in about an hour. I can't wait!
Maybe the lesson here is quality. I could have been a bridesmaid 15 times by the age of 30, in wedding parties of 20 people, for girls I might not still be friends with.
OR
I can realize how lucky I am to have my hand-full of truly nearest and dearest ladies, adult ladies, grown ladies, real friends, life friends, soul sisters. This is my choice.
Nurture the friendships with the people you can imagine growing old with and you'll never be sorry!
Maybe the lesson here is quality. I could have been a bridesmaid 15 times by the age of 30, in wedding parties of 20 people, for girls I might not still be friends with.
OR
I can realize how lucky I am to have my hand-full of truly nearest and dearest ladies, adult ladies, grown ladies, real friends, life friends, soul sisters. This is my choice.
Nurture the friendships with the people you can imagine growing old with and you'll never be sorry!
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| It would be bad, and sad, and I'm glad I did meet you my lovely friends! |
